I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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