so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
