drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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