is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
