If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
