Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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