redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize