hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Randomize
