so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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