can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
