Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
