I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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