I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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