is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
