he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
