Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
