I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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