He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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