Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
