I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
