If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
