I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
