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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month

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• (212): View more from New York

  I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."

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• (661): View more from California

  It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring

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• (914): View more from New York

  Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant

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• (714): View more from California

  I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"

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