can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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