im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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