How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
