I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
