My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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