I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
