Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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