just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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