He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
