is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she told me i tasted like america
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
