the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize