You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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