You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
