I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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