All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
