do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
