if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
