spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
A+ Viking dick
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
