Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
