My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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