Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
