Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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