he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
