Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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