Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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