And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
