His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
