sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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