I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
