Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The beer is more important than you right now.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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