I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
