Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
