you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
