Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
