I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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