She is in my trunk
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
