Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
