I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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