Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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