Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
