i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
