turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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