no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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