I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
