I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
