just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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