Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I still have a little drunk in my system
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
