Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
