Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
